Remembering Bela Adam Gajary, Dec 14, 1935 - February 20, 2024

Bela's life is a story of Europe in the 20th Century; his experiences brought him a deep knowledge and lifelong passion for history.

Bela was born in 1935 in Pecs, a small city in Hungary. He spent his early childhood on the large farm that his grandfather managed. At that time, he lived with his mother, grandfather, and father, who was also an agriculturalist, his younger brother George, and their many working dogs.

In 1941, when Hungary was rife with antisemitism and allied with Hitler, six year old Bela and his family moved from the more exposed city of Pecs to the anonymity of Budapest, where they obtained false documents identifying them as gentile. These papers saved their lives; Bela's aunt Louise and cousin Babszi, who did not obtain papers, were murdered at Auschwitz.

Bela and his family lived in an apartment in Budapest from 1941 to 1956, close to the Danube on the Buda side. His family lived through the Russian assault on the city in 1944 as Germany and the Hungarian Arrow Cross party desperately tried to maintain control. Frequent air raids drove them, with all of the inhabitants of the apartment building, to the basement bunker where they spent hours and sometimes days. Christmas of 1944 started a two month long stay in the cellar as war raged overhead. Conditions were grim, with minimal food, no privacy, and the constant sound of bombing and shelling.

They were finally released from the basement by the Russian soldiers who had taken over the city. In the years after the war, Bela, by all reports, was a half-feral tween and teen, exploring what remained of the devastated city.
Despite this wildness, he loved to read and enjoyed school. The Russian occupation again changed the family's circumstances and limited his access to the higher education that he craved. As a young man, Bela became involved with the Resistance, delivering supplies for the students and fighters in the Hungarian Revolution of 1956.

The story his children and grandchildren could not hear enough of was the dramatic tale of his escape from Hungary just prior to the Soviet's crushing of the uprising. It involved a perilous nighttime trek across the serpentine Hungarian border with Austria, run-ins with armed Soviet soldiers, bloody feet and ragged boots. They arrived at a farmhouse in Austria, where he was given food and blankets, and asked where he wanted to go. His immediate response was America.

Six months after his arrival, he enrolled at Clark University in Massachusetts. He learned English as he attended school and worked full-time, graduating in three years. After graduation he married Nancy Keim, moved to New Jersey, and had four children (Ted, Zia, Jean and Claire). He and Nancy divorced in 1979 and he married Judi Dashner in 1982, with whom he shared 42 very happy years in New Jersey.

Bela loved his work. He became a financial planner, where he was beloved by clients and co-workers alike, and finally retired at the age of 87. He often talked about the privilege of having a job you love that improves the lives of people. It meant the world to him.

Bela loved being an American. He also loved chocolate, animals (especially pigs), baseball and books. He was gracious in the Old World way, and was a wonderful host. He was always reading, mostly religion, history or politics. He had a way of talking about historical events that made them personal, peppering the narrative with details about the quirks of this king, or the foibles of that general. When you spent time with Bela, you learned things about the world that you were surprised you never knew.

He was devoted to his family, which grew to include his four children (Ted, Zia, Jean and Claire), his two step-children (Eric and Kristin), his sixteen grandchildren and his ten great-grandchildren. He will be dearly missed for his loving, accepting, and gentle presence, his patience, humor, and wisdom, and his ability to bring a story to life.

As a refugee himself, Bela was always deeply sympathetic to refugees across the world. If you are so moved, please donate in Bela's name to the International Rescue Committee. The IRC's impact at a glance | International Rescue Committee (IRC) .

Services will be in the spring at Bela and Judi's beloved church, Prospect Presbyterian, in Maplewood, New Jersey.